Monday, February 08, 2010

I have moved.

no where, at all. 12:23 am

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This screenshot basically says A LOT about how cute Kelda Chai is hahahahahah. Nice one jiejie (Y)

Oh btw, Lulu is Kelda's real sister. She comes from China. HAHAHA.

no where, at all. 11:14 pm

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Decisions, decisions. I know I'm not in a hurry to make them, but it still irritates me that I can't make up my mind nonetheless. If I go to Aussie, it's a Degree in Broadcasting or Performing Arts (theatre/filming).. If I go to Japan, I'm going to take up language related courses. Both are tough.. and after I graduate, the amount of jobs I can get honestly aren't many. Both require me to be very good at what I'm doing and be one of the top in my field in order to even get somewhere. But what can I do? It's my passion. I don't want to live a boring life, I want to follow my heart, not my wallet. So I guess the price to pay for being happy is that I have to work harder. I'll mentally prepare myself for that.

Right now to be honest, I'm leaning more towards Linguistics in Tokyo Sophia Uni because after some consideration, I realised that majoring in TV and Radio broadcasting won't teach me how to speak better will it? It teaches me the technical aspects, which Mass Comm already did. I already know how to operate all the equipment, I know recording, editing etc... So why would I need to study the same thing all over again?

Besides, the languages have always been my biggest interest so linguistics seems like a good choice. When I saw that NTU offered linguistics, I was sooooo excited. Of course I applied, but obviously with my horrigible grades, I didn't get in :( I'm hoping linguistics will help me get a job in the media as well because broadcast media is still the area I'd want to work in the most =/ If they require a degree in broadcasting, I'd be screwed... and all I can be is a translator or teacher. Or maybe even work as a small office staff doing saikang and translating stuff in a Japanese MNC based in Singapore T_T

Okay after I've said all that, I guess I'm not just LEANING towards linguistics. But instead I'm super super into it haha. It's just my common sense telling me to think twice. I'm a bit worried about how recognised a degree from Sophia would be.. I don't want to spend so much time and money on a worthless degree really. I tell you, if I were rich, I wouldn't even hesitate. I'd just keep studying in different countries and learn many many different kinds of languages. That has been my dream since secondary school. I know it sounds weird, but I think "collecting" languages as if its a hobby is really fun :P Plus, I get to travel to many places, which is also another dream of mine. Ahhh, it would be so nice to just travel all over the world, learning the different cultures and languages, mixing with the natives and experiencing different ways of life *A*

*Snaps back to reality* ....... I'm not rich. And I think my family would kinda oppose to that, since they wouldn't be able to locate me haha. If only I could just not care about a thing in the world and do what I want.

Ahhhhh... 好烦啊~

no where, at all. 11:58 pm

Only awesome Na'vis wear specs.

True story.

no where, at all. 12:08 am

Sunday, January 10, 2010

So so so so soooooo freaking tired. But alas, my hair refuses to dry in 2 minutes by itself so here I am, waiting for it to dry before I go collapse on my comfy bed.

Stayed up late last night because I had to vacuum the room and bake cookies for Geri.. Then I had to wake up super early today since work started at 7am therefore I didn't manage to get much sleep last night T_T .. Thank goodness there isn't much to do at work on a Saturday so most of the day was spent finishing the decorations and finally putting them up in Beta Centre. Love the way it looks! We put in sooooo much time and effort for these decorations but now I have this major sense of achievement haha.

Rushed off to meet Tousan after work and head to town for free movie! BUT WALAOOOOO, the complimentary tickets no be working and the counter lady (who looked like a man) was so freaking rude omg. Hontoni gomenasaiiii Tousan, made you come out for movie but it didn't work out .____.

Thankfully we were able to go meet Auntie and Uncle for tea! The apple pie was zomgwtfbbqorgasminmymouth awesome! Minus the raisins, of course. Raisins should just get the fuck out of all my food. Adored the iced mint chocolate tooooo hehehehe <3456789

Shopped around for a bit before I left to go meet Darrick and gang. Ate at EAT then played Left 4 Dead 2 for quite a while until my head started to ache :( And stupid LAN shop, hated their lousy comps and connection. Kept fucking hanging or disconnecting =A= Lousy keyboard, mouse and chairs made it so uncomfortable too. Won't go to Evo anymore, Big O ftw pls =.=

I must say it was a good day today but nothing beats the quiet walk home from the station to my block. It was windy and nice, I had my earphones plugged in and I took a slow stroll, slowly breathing in the night air, admiring the stillness and the serenity of a quiet night. I used to love taking such slow strolls at night, it helped me to relax. I haven't done it in a while though, I guess I didn't have enough time until now.

So as I was walking... walking... I breathed in, closed my eyes. tilted my head backwards and then opened my eyes. My eyes opened up to a cloudless night sky filled with shimmering little specks, it was a such a rare sight! Usually I'd just see a few lone stars sparsely distributed through the sky but tonight, there were so many! I turned to look at another area and there it was.. Orion's Belt! It's my first time seeing it and I could identify it straight away. There's really no other thing like it. I really hope these constellations are a good omen and signify that good things are on their way! :)

Okay I can't take it anymore. My hair isn't dry yet but I'm going to go crash anyway so goodnight!

P.S. Really random but I saw a watch I really like at Swatch today and it's SGD179...... *Cries* T_T I just had to rant about it.

no where, at all. 1:33 am

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

The internal struggles occurring within me are getting too much for me to bear. The mood swings are getting from bad to worse and I feel like a god damn hypocrite at work all the time. People are telling me things I know but don't want to hear. They are telling me to shut myself off so I won't get hurt in future. I know they mean well... but the line has already been cast.

I find myself getting really happy or really sad over the little things that happen each day in this little place I share with the kids. It was hard at first but now I feel like they're starting to open up to me... and just when I start to feel this way, everything is going to be taken away from me soon and I'll be back to square one.

I think that's why I've been a little defensive with the new teachers... Especially the one who was hired to take over this place after I get transferred. I don't think I'm treating her fairly but I can't help it, I'm possessive and a slight control freak, I don't like it when people take what I think should be mine. I'm not saying I should have sole control over the discipline of the kids but I must admit, I was a little offended when she started trying to take control of things on her second day at work and talked to us as if we were wrong when she didn't know ANYTHING about the way we worked. If she were a senior/elder and worked as a teacher before like the new teachers in the morning, I'd understand and respect that but no, she's a total newbie at it so what gives her the right to question the way we work around here? When I was new, I just followed and learned, why can't she do that?

Plus, it's super important for the teachers to agree on things before going ahead with it because giving out different instructions to the kids or questioning each other's way of discipline just makes the situation worse. The kids are really smart, they know how to take advantage of any loophole they can find. Right now, judging from things, she won't be able to control the kids at all when Ms T and I are gone.

Also to be honest, she's being too friendly that it's irking me and making me even more cautious of her. I won't mince my words, I don't like her. I feel like she's being super fake and acting like a know-it-all, I hate people like that. I try not to show it but subconsciously I know my tone, choice of words and body language are all showing my extreme dislike for her. I even hinted for her to ask to be transferred over to the new place instead of me because she lives nearer to the new centre while I live nearer to this old one. Yeah I know, fat hope. Maybe I should just screw up majorly at work and get fired or something.

I wish I wasn't so childish... But I am. How anyone stands me, I have no idea.

no where, at all. 10:13 pm

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Had a really bad start to the week. Arrived at work to find out that three of my closest colleagues who made this place a bit more bearable just tendered their resignation together already and will only be here till the rest of the month. Great, just great. Now I'll be stuck working with a bunch of middle-aged women who are married and have kids and think my opinions don't matter as much as theirs.

It also breaks my heart to think that I have to leave these kids soon to transfer over to MPS. I've grown quite attached to them to be honest... and they were just starting to warm up to me. I didn't really know how to answer them today when they found out I'd be transferring and asked me about it. Oh the look in their eyes... I just couldn't bear to look.

I dread going to work... and I dread going home even more.

I can tell my mum is trying to make everything seem a-okay so that we can feel the warmth of a family when we come back home once in a while but honestly, I know all about the stuff that's going on underneath, its just that I choose to play along so I don't add to the problem. All I have to say is money really is the root of all evil. It causes inferiority complexes, it causes rifts and it even causes backstabbing (yes even among family).

Tight-knit family? Bullshit. I honestly don't care about most of the things that are going on but I just can't stand it that my mum is the one (and only one) taking the brunt of all the issues that are going on. No matter how capable, she's still only one person. What the fuck do you guys expect from her? She does her best to keep the family together and does whatever it takes to make things work and yet for some people, it's never enough. I can tell that all the stress is taking a toll on her and I'm not liking it. She seems to be aging faster and she's always worrying over something. Her kids are all grown up, she shouldn't be worrying over anything so please get lost and mess with someone else just to satisfy your damn pride, get someone else to stroke your fucking ego, you're done messing with my mum. I may not have a short fuse, but when you do manage to get me worked up enough to throw a fit, you'll regret you ever messed with my mum.

Now, please kindly fuck off.

I bothered saying please.

no where, at all. 1:39 am

Sunday, December 27, 2009

"It feels as though I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even bothers to look up."

Sometimes I amaze myself with my ability to act like nothing is wrong. I'm pretty convinced my family thinks I'm very happy right now. And since that makes them happy, I guess I'm content.
I've done my part.

no where, at all. 2:55 am

about the girl.